In July, while watching the ending credits of Finding Dory with our 4-year old twins, Mrs. Mewie listened to a voicemail. It was from our in vitro fertilization (IVF) doctor.
“I’m pregnant.”
At that moment, I embraced my wife in the theater. Jeremy and Maya had no clue what was happening but they saw the biggest smile on my face. Grammy and Gramps were also sitting with us in the same row of seats when we shared the news. There was pure joy expressed in hugs and kisses.
Several weeks prior, Mrs. Mewie and I had been praying constantly, especially when I stabbed my wife’s butt every night with the progesterone needle shots. I vividly remember the purple bruises marking her bottom and that familiar hiss from my wife’s teeth as she endured the pain each time. We were careful not to be too hopeful. A harsh lesson from our first IVF attempt when we lost two embryos.
The doctor’s voicemail had me literally jumping for joy. On the drive home from the movie theater, I initially wanted to make a short list of names. What if the embryo gave us a new, loving son? Or another amazing daughter? Mrs. Mewie was smarter and more cautious. She said it was best not to make that list just yet. Not until the next blood test. Not until that “safer” 13-week mark. I reluctantly obeyed.
What felt like an eternity was one week waiting for status updates and more blood tests. The doctor made one last call. She told us we experienced a chemical pregnancy or a very early miscarriage.
The news pierced our hearts. The tears were shed. Many “why” questions were asked. That sense of helplessness crushed me. Within a few days, Mrs. Mewie sent the following email to my family:
I am now off all medications and shots, which is a huge relief for my body.
We are saddened, yet blessed. We found the courage to try this one last time, and trusted that even if it didn’t work out, that we have already been given so much love and joy through our miracles, Jeremy and Maya.
We still have hope for the future and are incredibly fortunate for the relationships we share and the way God is growing us to be more like Him everyday.
Last night, Maya kept telling me how much she loved me and decided to make me some hearts in my favorite color. We usually put up artwork behind the kids’ doors in their rooms, but we decided to put these up in my bedroom. I realized that she made three, which will remind me of the three embryo losses we had through this journey.
“He gives and takes away, he gives and takes away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed by your name…”
I appreciate all of the encouraging thoughts, emails and prayer texts more than you know. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I’m so proud of my wife. That was the first thing I told her after reading her email. Then, I hugged her as she cried into my shoulder. I whispered many things at that moment. How beautiful she is. That the twins have the best mother in the world. That I will not stop fighting for her and our family.
Last week, Mrs. Mewie and I celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary. In her newly launched blog, she writes with a full heart. And that’s when I realized I need to do the same. After all, I haven’t written in months. My heart for storytelling was taken out. I did not want to think about what we lost, much less write about them. But Mrs. Mewie did what I could not. During our darkest times, she spoke from the heart and shined brightly as a true daughter and warrior of God. I’m on that path towards restoration. My heart is coming alive. I’m writing.
